I’ve been in somewhat of a philosophical mood of late. I find myself pondering much on the nature of existence, free will, and even religion. I suppose this is not unusual, and perhaps to be expected given the nature of my life recently. It also helps that I keep having to stop and explain things to Aoibheann. In the course of last night, I had to explain who King Arthur was, something on the nature of dragons, the story of Saint George, and, I am fairly sure, what religion was, particularly the nature and effect of faith. This was because she asked how it was that George survived and how he killed a dragon. It was not a matter I had really considered before. Of course, I knew the legends and some of the more fanciful retellings, and I knew some of the history, but had never considered much on the how or why. I told her that it was down to his faith, but I am not entirely sure she understood. I do not know where she comes from, but she seemed to have some difficulty with the concept of god. I did not really know how to answer this, beyond the factual and historical. Like my mother, I regarded church attendance as a social obligation rather than as any expression of faith. I appreciate it and respect it, but can’t say that I have ever really had any. If I had, it would have been sorely tested by events of the past seven years, with the nature of what I have become and the realisation that many things I have experienced are denied in what would be my religion, if I so cared. Popular lore would have it that the creature I am now is evil and could be destroyed by faith and holy things. Yet, I do not consider myself evil and I have been inside two different churches without bursting into flames.
Today, rather, I found myself doing a good deed. Aoibheann complained there was some leakage in the roof. I may not have followed my father into the construction trade, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t learn a few things on those occasions he did take me out with him. We found a hammer and a couple of nails and I hopped up onto the roof to look. It is fortunate that nobody was there to see how I got up there, and neither Senna nor Aoibheann thought to question it; otherwise I might have had to explain how I could fly. There were a couple of broken tiles, so in the absence of any spares, I procured some spare sail-cloth from one of the sailors on the docks and fixed that up. It should hold until I can find some tiles. Thus far, I have not found any builders’ merchants on the island, but I suspect that if I hunt around enough, there is bound to be a small pile somewhere of bits left over from when the place was built.
On a lighter note, it seems that Aoibheann has an admirer. Or so it would seem from what Senna was saying. Aoibheann seemed quite taken with the idea, although a little uncertain of herself. I got the impression that where she comes from, she would have had to ask permission of her brother before accepting any advances. I tried to assure her that I was sure her brother would want her to be happy. I am not sure that she accepted this, but did seem a little happier. At least, until she started thinking to the future and wondered what would happen if she were to marry. She seemed to be under the impression that, if this occurred, he would then own the tavern and she would just be the wife. I am afraid, dear journal, I got a little bit on my high horse and gave a bit of my usual lecture on the rights of women. That’s all down to Mother, of course, and indeed, Alexandra and her mother. Senna seemed to be quite accepting of the concept but I am not sure Aoibheann was convinced. Still, it is probably a moot point, as I don’t think she has even been out with the gentleman concerned yet, so marriage is most likely a ways off.
Aoibheann asked me about my wages. I told her that what she had given me would suffice for now, until such time as the tavern’s income was more stable. This seemed to relieve her worries somewhat. We spoke about possible ways of increasing income. I explained how she could take money from the dice game and the card tables. I also suggested that the tavern host a Halloween party, which idea she seemed much taken with, subject, of course, to the king and queen not having already arranged something. One interesting thing though, which may be some clue as to her origins, she picked up on the other word I used to describe the festival – Samhain. A Celtic background would make sense, and would be consistent, perhaps, with her name. I get the impression she would like to talk about her past, but is uncertain how. Some day, perhaps she will. I told her some of mine, which may help.