Sometimes, I wish my body would make up its mind. I hate it when I feel tired, yet my body, or my mind, refuses to sleep. This time, there is so much going on, that my mind refuses to slow down and let me slumber. There are too many questions, and very few answers.
I remain confused regarding the dualistic nature of Alec and the Boatman. Twice now, the one known as the Boatman has reminded me that he is not Greyson, nor Alec, even though he has worn both faces when dealing with me, as well as the face I do not remember, when he first took me across the water to Jasper Cove. And now, I have seen another face, that of a winged demon, which may be this being’s true form. Since he wears those other faces so well, I find it hard to separate him from the men I knew, especially during my encounter with him as Greyson when I was escaping from Jasper Cove. But, in our most recent encounter, he revealed himself to be the creation of that other man, if indeed he is really a man, who was Dee, who was Greyson, who was Alec. Can a man create a demon, or is the Boatman some other being whose nature I have yet to properly understand. Now that I think back, when the Boatman as Greyson handed me Dee’s journal, he did refer to him as that mirror of me. Perhaps I should read the journal again, to see if there are clues in there that might explain this dual nature, for at present, I cannot understand it.
That last encounter also poses another question – what was it that Aoibheann agreed to? All I heard was the word “home” and then the incantation that the Huntsman made while touching her after she said this. I did try to ask her the following evening, but we were all very tired, and I suspect that Aoibheann had consumed far too much wine to make any sense. I am worried that she may have given up too much, but until I understand the nature of things between them, I cannot say for sure. Again, there is the problem of his dual nature, for there is that part of him that is Llwyd, which is perhaps the part that Aoibheann still hopes to reach. I do not hold out much hope, for the form he has now, as the Huntsman, is quite clearly insane and beyond the reach of rational thought. Which reminds me, I must find out what became of Orie. I may not agree with his notions, but I cannot fault his bravery in standing up to the Huntsman and the Boatman.
Then there is the matter of Sophia. The same night that I was trying to ask Aoibheann what the thing about home meant, she was in the tavern, apparently very preoccupied with the painting of a mermaid. This might possibly have something to do with the Sisters of St Brendan’s that she mentioned. If they have some control of the Kraken, perhaps they have intercourse with other sea-dwelling creatures, such as mermaids. I know from my days in London that such beings exist. I am glad that she is starting to recover some memories, but I fear for when she learns about the darker part of her past in Richmond, and I have not had the chance to discuss this with her. Neither have I had the chance to ask Maric if he knows of any remedies for memory loss.
I also need to talk to Maric about so many things – this blood mastery thing he keeps mentioning, which is among the so many things I need to learn. Then there are Aoibheann’s problems with Ket’Lyn and Lucis, though I hope that my conversation with Lucis has put an end to that. I also need to speak to him about controlling the beast so that I can advise Dori. I detected a certain amount of hostility when I asked about dhampirs, so I hope I can obtain his help without endangering Dori.
At least things are well with Gwyn, even if I do not get as much time with her as I might like. I have not seen Valene much of late either, let alone both of them together. I hope this can be remedied soon. I suspect there was something that Gwyn wanted to talk about that same evening after the encounter with the Boatman, but then we both fell asleep, and she did not mention it again. It may have something to do with her comment to the Boatman that she does not have the currency to repay him. I recall her having some fears that her fae nature denied her a soul, which might be the currency she was referring to. Again, I lack knowledge, and there I do not know where to ask, since most of the fae are mysteriously absent. For myself, I find it hard to believe, that such intensely living beings, with all their capacity for love and passion and such like can lack souls.
Then there was the rather worrying fragment of thought I picked up from Maric, apparently during his conversation with Vedis. I don’t know if it was a deliberate send, or an accident, but either way, it is somewhat worrying. She was saying something about there only being one safe place in the cosmos – something to do with a Sisterhood and a Temple of the Void, or something like that. She was saying something about Patch placing crystals around the village and Ket’lyn placing ground bones between. All this, so far as I could make out, was something to do with setting up a portal to protect us when the time came. For what, I do not know, but it is deeply worrying.
With all these things on my mind, sleep was not going to be a visitor tonight. In an attempt to distance myself from all these concerns, I took out my book and my pen and applied my mind to the writing exercise that Aoibheann had mentioned – concerning the blue penguins that built pergolas. Despite all the other stuff on my mind, this proved an entertaining diversion and after completing the draft of what might well be the first chapter, I was finally able to sleep.